 
by Frank Sanderson
You've heard it a thousand times before: "Who holds the remote control in your relationship?" Usually, it's a bad wisecrack one of your buddies is making. What he means by it is, "Who has the power in your relationship?" It's sort of a more PC version of the old wisecrack, "Who wears the pants in your relationship?" Well, anyone in a real relationship knows the answer immediately: the woman has the power and the control. But, behind all this is a truly important question: "Who does hold the remote control?" I don't know about you, but most men cherish their ability to control the television in their home. Unfortunately, this control has led to many a conflict. So we at Guyville break it down to see if you can reach a compromise with your loved one about who really does hold that pesky remote control.
First things first: let's acknowledge a few truths. You love the remote control. You enjoy spending hours at a time flipping between channels, without having any real focus. You love the ability to change immediately during any lull or commercial break during the show you're watching (except of course during football games, which we watch for the commercials as well as for the sport). But, most importantly, you want to be able to watch what YOU want to.
Without a doubt, your desire for control has frustrated your significant other. She wants some choice herself. She wants to see if Lifetime is re-playing Oprah or if they were able to rescue some poor victim on E! Fashion Emergency. You want to see if TNT is re-playing Jaws again or if Kenny gets killed in a new and innovative way in South Park.
But if you step back from all this conflict and take an objective look at your behavior, you'll probably notice that it is YOU who is so unwilling to compromise. If your woman wants to grab hold of the remote even for two minutes, you get upset. You sit sullenly as she flips the channels, breaking a sweat on your forehead as your lack of control upsets the balance of your very being. On one hand, you have to change your behavior. On the other hand, we are still guys and it will be a cold day in hell before we totally give up control of the remote. So, you have to reach a compromise, and here's what we recommend:
First of all, a cursory survey taken by Guyville reveals that women don't usually mind it that much that their men have control of the remote. What they mind is the fact that guys can't stay on one thing for more than 30 seconds. Maybe women have a longer attention-span than we do, but they also have a point. Try to find something you like, and then put your remote to the side, out of sight and out of mind. Try doing this starting with 30 minute intervals of no channel-flipping and then increase the time from there. We guarantee you'll start seeing less conflicts.
However, if she really does want control of the remote, then plan ahead. Take a look at the television listings and try to identify an hour or so of time where there really isn't anything you want to see. Then, when that hour comes about, say, "Honey, here's the remote, why don't you check out what you'd like to see." She'll be so stunned that you're relinquishing control, she won't know what to say. Which will come in handy as you quietly leave the room to go call a buddy, read a book, or do some work.
Overall, we think women should just have to realize that there is a unique relationship with a man and his remote control. And, for the most part they should accept it. But, if you maintain total control, you will run into some unwanted conflicts with your woman. Our advice, make a few small sacrifices, and you'll find that the overall conflict level will decrease remarkably. And remember, no matter how much you sacrifice, football Sunday afternoons should never be relinquished for any reason. |
