I have a dilemma with a woman I know. We hung out a few times, and then one night, at a party, we hooked up. Then we went out on a date a week later, but the temperature was much cooler between us, and we didn't really hook up. We went out a week after that, and we had a great time, flirting, talking, but still no hooking up. Then about three weeks went by before I heard from her again. Now she writes me and says she wants to go out again. I can't read this woman at all, could she be confused? Should I give her another try or avoid her altogether?
Signed, I'm Dating The Three Faces of Eve

Dear Eve-dater,
It sounds like the classic sea-change maneuver to me÷-her interest in you ebbs and flows; meandering, yet eerily regular, like iambic pentameter: Yes, No, Maybe, No, Yes. I suppose itâs meant to be enticing, assuming thereâs meaning behind it, but I think itâs usually just confusing, and youâre Exhibit A in favor of that argument. Iâve known some women who employ this pattern consciously, fooling themselves into thinking that the men who find that interesting and mysterious will be worthwhile men to know. And if sheâs of that contingent, Iâd say drop her in the scrap heap and go shopping for a new Chevrolet. But she may not even be aware that sheâs doing it, which could, as you suggest, indicate that sheâs confused, or she could just keep making new decisions about you each time she sees you. I actually sort of like that "clean slate" way of dealing with people-÷judging each new moment only for itself, etc.--but you canât do that forever. Youâve essentially been on four dates now, and at that point thereâs too much context to keep artificially surprising one another. It will be interesting to see what happens on this next crucial get-together (note that Iâm not even giving you the option of dropping it now--itâs just getting to the good part!), because it will force her to break the perfect symmetry of her little behavior quilt, and perhaps betray some more complicated emotions. Or at least give you some clue as to how she really feels about you. But whatever you do, donât let her continue to keep you in the dark. If this next try leaves you as clueless as the last, then please donât waste any more of your time. Youâre clearly doing your part to try to understand her, and sheâs just not helping you out. This is the maker or breaker here--the point in the movie when our hero puts it all on the line. Donât disappoint me! Write back and give me the epilogue; the end-of-Animal House-freeze-frame-where-are-they-now scenario. That way, even if it doesnât work out, it will at least make a good story.

I'm trying to find a cool way to propose to my girlfriend. She's sort of the "elegant" type who wouldn't like something like a proposal at a baseball game. Part of me wants to do something original and interesting, while the other part thinks maybe I should just go ahead and do the straightforward romantic evening and proposal on one knee. What do you think I should do? I want it to be nice, but I don't want her to think I didn't put any thought to it.
Signed, Ready to Hide the Ring in a Bag of Doritos and Call it a Day

Dear Ring Bearer (Soon to be Ring Wearer)
The best proposals are highly personal, and even a baseball game proposal can be personal, if sheâs seriously into men in tights, or has always dreamed of seeing her name emblazoned on a giant LED screen. Giving good proposal is like giving good gift--it helps to know the woman well (and if youâre popping the question, Lord help you if you donât), share some of her tastes (also generally a prerequisite for marriage) and to be good at picking up hints about the architecture and climate of her fantasy world (youâll find that most people, if you ask them, have a picture they carry around in a little bubble inside their heads about how things would go for them in a perfect world, and women are no exception--theyâre especially detailed about what they hope for in a wedding, and that includes the proposal). Chances are that sheâs given you some fat clues over the years (months?) youâve known her about her favorite places, activities and things. So just pretend your proposal is a Mad Lib, and fill in the blanks: her favorite place to hang out is that hill overlooking the city? Perfect! Take her there. Her favorite thing to do is chuck beer cans in the air and shoot at them with a .45? (It could happen!) Then you know what youâll be doing on your romantic evening. And I think that no matter what other factors are brought in, you can always safely incorporate the down-on-one-knee thing, because itâs just so sweet. And when in your life are you ever going to do that again? Once-in-a-lifetime experiences shouldnât be passed up. Besides, you might as well give her a good look at the top of your head while thereâs still hair on it.

I know this isn't an unusual problem, but my girlfriend needs to be with me all the time. Most guys I know make a rule with their girlfriends for a "guy's night out" on the weekend. But I can't even get a Tuesday evening alone. And if I do make plans to do something without her, she freaks out. She has her own friends, but she never spends any time with them without me. I love her and don't want to break up, but if I don't get any time to myself I may have to. When I tell her I want more time alone she goes nuts, thinking I want to break up with her, when really all I want is some breathing room. What do I do to make this thing work?
Signed, Sheâs My Personal Kryptonite Necklace

Dear Superman:
Can I employ a cheesy (yet scientifically sound) metaphor here? (actually, itâs a simile, but whoâs counting) Love is like a fire, baby--it needs oxygen to thrive. And homegirl is not only shutting the windows, sheâs stuffing damp towels under the door. The best thing you can do--for her as well as yourself--is to be clear and vocal about your own boundaries. That means telling her that you need a life outside the relationship. Being together every waking moment is a romantic ideal seldom attained by those of us who arenât fictional characters. Okay--there are those few horrendously cute couples that seem to have been joined at birth, but in most instances of the superglue duo, thereâs a stick-er and a stick-ee. The key to saving this relationship, if indeed you do believe itâs worth saving, is: a) making a genuine attempt to understand why sheâs cutting off your circulation, so you can muster the proper empathy (Was she burned in the past by a deceitful boyfriend? Is she unhappy with her own life and accomplishments and trying to live through you? Are you only half-present sometimes when youâre hanging out with her? Etc.), and then b.) Giving her the naked, unadulterated truth. An aside to all readers: like a magician, the advice columnist never reveals her tricks, but hereâs a big hint: the answer to 99.9 percent of all relationship questions is BE HONEST, DAMMIT! Now you may go about your business. And pay no attention to the woman behind the curtain. Other than the above, the best thing I can tell you is that your sixth-grade English teacher knew what he was talking about when he wrote screechingly on the chalkboard "Show, donât tell." If ya love the little lady, ya gotta show her, and Iâm not talking about flowers and candy. You have to take action and work to make things better. By gritting your teeth and having this difficult talk, youâll be active instead of passive, and even though she may "freak out" at the time, I think later sheâll appreciate the fact that you took a risk in order to save both of you from suffocation.

I don't know why, but lately I've been more and more worried that my girlfriend might be faking orgasms in bed. While it seems real, maybe I just can't tell. I don't want to accuse her, but how can I find out if it's the real thing or not without completely pissing her off?
Signed, Would Like to Buy an "O"

Dear "O":
Not being a stranger to the old faux-gasm myself, I can say that while it would seem most virtuous for me to suggest that you simply ask her, this may not get you the truth, because if she was willing to fake it in the first place, then itâs doubtful sheâll have any qualms lying about it later. Still, there are certain approaches that might work better than others. If I was your little honey bunny, and for whatever reason I was being "fashionate" (instead of passionate), Iâd probably only consider responding truthfully to a really sincere show of concern. Itâs clear from the tone of your question that youâre genuinely interested in pleasing her, so why not try being as honest with her as you were with me? Youâre not worried about it out of some macho sense of jealousy, right? I mean, I could be totally wrong, but it sounds like you just want to know sheâs having fun. So without trying to portray any particular emotion except your genuine curiosity, try gently broaching the subject after your next roll in the hay. If, after that, you still feel like youâre not getting the full story, you can employ this super-sneaky trade trick of those in the know: plan ahead so that when she starts to get close, you can slip a few fingers in there and (gently!) press up from the inside, towards her belly (this obviously wonât work too well during intercourse, so youâre going to have to be creative, which can only help your situation, believe me) and when she reaches climax, you should be able to feel some pretty strong and relatively quick contractions (super-sensitive guys can feel these with the "little buddy," but itâs not as fine-tuned an instrument as the fingertip, which is why I recommend the manual method). Every orgasm, male and female, involves spasms of the pelvic muscles, which cause contractions of the lower vagina in a woman, and ejaculation in a man, so you can pretty much count on this test as a sexual polygraph. Then the question is how youâre going to react if you find out theyâre not real. My strong suggestion is to assume sheâs not deceiving you to be mean, but to conceal a fear of some kind--that sheâll take too long to finish, that sheâll get too close to you, or that youâll find out she doesnât know how (sadly, itâs not all that uncommon for a woman to reach adulthood without having had an orgasm). If it turns out that she is pre-orgasmic, just think of the possibilities! You could be the guy to give her her first real one! So whatever you find out, youâre psyched; if sheâs for real, you can now concentrate on making her so happy in bed that thereâs no way those could be mistaken for fake. And if sheâs been fibbing, now you get to be the good guy and help her get over that problem, while having lots of sex in the meantime!