There are two kinds of Scotch Whiskey: Malt Whiskey and Grain Whiskey. Let's not even get into Grain Whiskey. Perhaps we will address this later, but Malt Whiskey is a much finer drink and this is what we're talking about when we refer to good Scotch anyway.

Malt Whiskey is created using what is called the Pot Still process. This process has four stages:

1) Malting - First, barley is selected for the process and cleaned of any non-barley material (thank goodness). The barley is then soaked for three days in steeps, which are tanks of water. Then, they are spread out on the floor and left to germinate for 8-12 days. Germination, if you must know, is the process during which the barley secretes the enzymediastase, an enzyme which makes the starch in the barley soluble. The solubility of the starch allows it to be converted into sugar. O.K., I'm no scientist, but they tell me it's an important part of the process. When the time is right, this process is stopped and the barley is dried in a malt kiln.

2) Mashing - Now, the dried barley, hereafter referred to as the dried malt, is ground in a mill and is then mixed in with hot water in a large vat called a mash tun. I've visited a distillery, and let me tell you, it's a funky smell that comes out of that mash tun. Remember that now-soluble starch? Well, it is converted into a wet sugary substance called wort. This is all that is taken from the mash tun, the rest becomes cattle feed. Those must be some happy cows.

3) Fermentation - The wort is now put into large vessels holding liquid. Yeast is added and the whole mixture goes through the fermentation process. What's that you ask? Well, the yeast attacks the sugar in the wort and changes it into alcohol, which of course means, this is an incredibly important step in the process.

4) Distillation - The whiskey (as we'll call it, but it is still just a unique liquid substance, not yet whiskey as we know it) is now taken from the vessels it was fermenting in and placed in Pot Stills, large copper containers. This beverage is heated up and the alcohol vaporizes. The alcoholic vapor rises up and passes into a cooling tube. If you remember second-grade science, vapor, when cooled, turns into liquid. This process is repeated a few times until we are left with a potable beverage. A very delicious potable beverage.

Once all this intricate process is done, you might think we are ready to go. Nope, not even close. The distilled liquid is put into casks of oak wood. Since wood is permeable, air passes through and removes the harsher contents of the drinks through evaporation (and you thought all those second-grade science terms would never come in handy). But here's the thing: the drink is left in the cask for a long time. How long? How about ten or more years? If the rest of this process didn't discourage you from home-brewing Scotch, then this sure will (of course, Scotch is only Scotch if it is made in Scotland, an important tip to remember).

Among the many variables affecting the taste of a Scotch are the size of the casks used for the maturation process, the strength of the drink when it is put into the casks, and the humidity and temperature of the room in which the cask is stored. I told you those old Scots knew what they were doing.

Now you should have a pretty good idea of what sort of effort goes into making this wonderful beverage. Hopefully it should not only give you an added appreciation of what went into your drink, but also will help you with some background knowledge as you are building up your Scotch collection.

So, whip out a tumbler, pour yourself a bit o' the whiskey, and enjoy yourself.